my bike a mourning star

It’s that time of year again when the gypo pikey carni folk are in town. They’ve set up shop on the town moor as usual with a menagerie of miami’s, ghost trains,m air brushed rigs, candy floss stands and big wheels. The gypo’s are good lads though in my book. Tax free lifestyle. Driving sick cars with no license. Looking after their ma’s. A blatant disregard for laws and red tape. Whats not to love about them. I’ve no worries about them wanting to steal my bike or generally just cause shit. Its not their style, they dont have to, they probably make more money this week than most do all year. However the hoppings draws out every radge cunt in the north east in their droves. Ten pills, 3 litres of bella brusco, candy floss and a shot of the waltzer brings out the worst in them. The cowie jawed stagger home usually goes right past Exi park and is a perfect ground for starting shit with hippy goffic bmxers and skaters. Thats why you need some Street smarts. how to fight at the skatepark. If you can avoid exi park all this week especially in the evening. Most of the polis are at the hoppings anyway so its the perfect time for streetin it. If you are a hardcore park dog and cant bear to ride street make sure your rolling deep. The radge cunts rolll deeeeeep. A few years back I took a beating off 8 of em. It was pretty sour but I didnt get my bike knicked and I did kick one of them in the bollocks pretty hard.

“Here meeeeartt yee got a tab for us like?”

“no”

“Yee giving me cheek like ya little dafty”

“no”

“Well I ya fukkin waxa yer cheekin us man do yeeeee nar who me uncle is like ”

Radge cunt with entourage will probably now make an assault. The best policy could be the pre emptive strike? As soon as anyone asks for a tab, shoot a jab, ask questions later. Next up you’ve got a bike so launch it off the cunt if you can. If you going to help someone out launching your bike into the bowl is another good idea. This will stop it getting stolen as radge packets cant scale trannies, a well known fact. Stand your fukkin ground on mass and defend what is yours, the park has fuck all cctv so get medieval on these mother fuckers. If your circled by a group of them grab your bike by the bars and spin in a circle screaming a war cry. The flailing bike will destroy anything within its vortex. When it comes to using your bike as a weapon the heavier and the more pegs it has the better. If the enemy is standing close to some coping a suprise flyout to collarbone sprocket stall should do the trick. Once grounded spin your back tyre really fast and leave a tyremark on his face. Bite the coping shit bag, ice pick stall to the head. Dump the body in victoria tunnels. If all that fails, which it wont, just sling a few digs and do one! Hit them where it hurts though, rip their lacoste track piece, steal their wallet, drink, pills or The ultimate trophy one of their rock sports! Getting beat up by a hippy is the ultimate humiliation for a radgeeee so dont be scared to sling a punch.