random-eurospot5

random eurospot i never even got to ride. still they are fun to look at. if you are a dork like me. i think you all are…,

supertool update

this is the photo i should have blogged when it comes to the super eating tool. its kind dope. photo by jim nez.

travel tools

axe handle/table leg – I’ve never felt safe without a good solid piece of wood nearby (gay joke in the comments). Ready to swing just incase of emergency. It all started from living on the ground floor and being paranoid. At least with a good solid table leg you are the first line of defence and not just the first victim. Even the best fighter in the world wouldnt be able to do shit if he was still half asleep when the robbers came in. Half asleep with a bat is just swing to win. Usually the weapon chooses you, you dont choose it. Fate will present you with her. She can come in many guises, be it a baseball bat (wood only), a nice axe handle, or felling axe handle if you want a bit more range or even a random piece of drift wood. Once you have her all you have to give her a name, something fitting like the dominator or the jude, and keep her by your bed or by your door. On the road is where it really comes into its own though. A red faced road rager can easily be silenced with a wave of old faithful out the window. Or if it comes to a standoff in a service station the equaliser pulled from the boot should keep the peace. It says I’m not dark enough to kill you with something stupid like a knife or a gun but I will give you one in the ribs no problem and will smash your headlights if you try any funny business.  im in control. Plus on a roadtrip you cant beat a good game of rounders!

the weird knife and fork spoon tool – I laughed my mother out of the room when she showed me she had gotten me this weird contraption. How could i have been so wrong? Sometimes it makes you glad that your parents actually do know everything and you dont know shit. Your going to end up just like your parents so stop fighting it. Anyroad. Its a fork, a spoon, a knife and a teaspoon all wrapped up in a swiss army knife styleee. Its even got an attachment to clip it onto your belt loop for fucks sake. This tool was fought over while on the road every day. Be it turning a 2 litre pop bottle into a bowl for cereal or simply utilising the most excellent spoon to eat it with. You need this.

the swiss piece – Just like you can’t trust a man who cant drive, NEVER trust a man who doesn’t have a swiss army knife. The swiss piece it what separates us from the animals. I can’t understand why someone wouldn’t have one on a road trip? your bog standard victrinox set up of Little knife, big knife, bottle opener, can opener and cork screw was def invented by a piss head on a road trip. They might try to tell you different but its all lies. Shopping for a swiss piece is best done in switzerland. I opted for the swiss piece that has a digital watch built into the handle. A little frivilous even if a do say so myself but i found it in a graveyard so who am i to argue. Ratty’s glow in the dark one is also pretty handy but everyone knows that the army issue swiss is the king of all swiss pieces. The swiss love to display ever swiss piece going the golf one, the bike one with a chain tool, the usb key one, the lazer one and that novelty one that is massive and has every tool on it but it all boils down to the fact that the army issue cant be beaten. Oh yeah dont get a knock off or leatherman. who the fuck needs pliers anyway?

wet wipes – You know you are living right if every day when you take a shit you use a wet wipe. Maybe when im rich and famous i will live out this fantasy. Until that day wet wipes are for the road only. £2 spent on a pack of wet wipes is probably the best money ive ever spent. Need a shower? wet wipe. Need to wipe your arse? wet wipe. Need to combat chafe? wet wipe. Need to clean your weird knife and for thing? wet wipe. Its almost as multi purpose as the swiss piece. Maybe those lads should bring out a swiss piece with a wet wipe in it???? Sometimes its crazy how clean you can get your arse with 1 wet wipe as opposed to 3 foot of bog roll. It doesnt make sense to me. Maybe we can save the rainforest if everyone uses wet wipes instead of bog roll. Beware of cowboy euro plumbing though, this stuff will block that waste pipe too good. The wet wipe is also perfect for the stealth nature shit. You cant be taking too long wiping. you have to be in and out.

technical camping stuff – Camping equipment is so dorky but also so mint at the same time. Just like having a light bike everyone is down with the smallest sleeping bag and titanium tent pegs. A hammock is so sweet on a roadtrip, try and get one. as is the technical towel. dry in an instant and folds up small as fuck. dont get a pop up tent whatever you do.

dk tool thing – If you are taking a bike take this as well. Next on my roadtrip tool wishlist. Alot less ice pick/offensive weapon than the first incarnation makes it alot more bag friendly. Plus you not in constant fear of the chad muska bag manual loop out to mk1 impale. Never trust a man with no tools. Dont be that guy.

winners cap – Your going to be out in the sun all day. get a hat. Mesh is best.

Swimming trunks – Road trips are all about swimming. Doesnt matter where you go or what time of year it is. Swim everyday.  at the beach, at the lake or even at the swimming pool you just bumrushed. Its the best thing to do ever and You wont stink. Try and get some that are made of some technical fabric that is dry as soon as you come out the wata. Quit wearing your boxers and just wear swimming trunks under your shorts at all times. Ready for swimming at the drop of a hat and they will also get a wash every time you swim so they will be clean as a whistle. next year the sweet euro swim spots guide is coming out. im looking for a publishing advance.

ipod you dont need it. laptop you dont need it. camera you dont need it. mobile phone you dont need it. none of these items make you have any fun so dont bother with em.

so the list is: swiss army knife, a bat of some description, wet wipes, bike, bag (maybe even 2, controversial i know but a little day bag comboed with the camping super rucksack can be good), sleeping bag (smallest you can get,its not going to be sub zero ), tent (nothing says pussy like a pop up),  a hat, some trunks, the dk tool and most of all your wits.  having your wits you wil be able to overcome all problems. have a nice trip.

montreaux jazz festival

The tour had a rest day and seeing as we were just around the corner we popped off to montreaux. Pretty much exactly 2 years ago i was in montreaux as well and was almost certain the jazz festival was on. We had a pretty wild time at this jazz fest the last time so it seemed like a perfect place to go on the rest day. The sun was shining and the lake was calling our names. Not soon after we had found the swimming spot of 2 years ago and were sessioning it, except this time we swam across a small channel and bum rushed one of the sweetest swimming spots ever. 7metre high dive platform, 3 metre platform, 3 metre spring board, a jaws esque floating picninc bench and some excellent grass all on the edge of lake lausanne. 7 metre p and 0 ferries evacuation pencil got dropped, what a rush. After the swim we were hungry for lamachun and beer. By some kind of strange coincidence 2 years ago we missed the beastie boys play by a day, this year we missed prince by a day. Even though his tickets were 200franks a shot for the cheap seats we still made out like we would have went. The jazz festival was alos over by a day but undetered we missioned into town to see what we could see see see. we were buzzing from finding a few bottles of beer and a bottle of coke. I was also buzzing i got to visit the freddie mercury statue again. Maybe i will do it again in another 2 years time? Then as some kind of karma payment for giving a hitchiking hockey player a lift we happend upon some kind of party. There were mental krusties eating kebab and drinking 25cl beers in the hot tubs. A stage and a dj. a hill to chill on. Best of all it seemed no one was handing money over for drink or bbq. I’m guessing this was some kind of montreaux jazz fest wrap party we had stumbled across. Even though we lacked anykind of pass, our gcse french and blagging skills got us beer and meat all night. we were pretty krust so they didnt argue, we fit right in. the bottle of vittel that was a potent vodka shit mix  pushed us over the edge. These swiss frogs didnt party for that long and no one could answer ou est le discotheque? We had a long walk home to sleeep in a car park on the edge of the lake. at least it was broken up by getting a spliff from an iraqi on the freddie mercury statue.

The day after the hang over was in effect but was soon cured by the healing proporties of the lake. Then came the day long diving session with french school kids. 3metre back somersault clocked and im pretty sure I dropped a half decent gainer as well. even if i did wreck my bollocks doing it. montreaux is class.

tourdefrance09-dudes of the tour

How did this tour de france trip come about? It was all down to my good friend Lewis convincing some college money types that it would be a good idea to give him some coin to go and take photos of jakeys in the crowd. As Lewis is useless and cant drive i was given the official driver role for the trek. So we bombed it from the north east of england to France, switzerland, italy, back into france and then back to jolly old england in a ford fiesta in 11 days camping in mountains and dodgy truck stops. We clocked over 2100 miles of driving and lewis took a shitload of photos that will be exhibited at the college or some other place at a later date(which will no doubt be posted on here).

crabbin.cabin

crabbin with some crab niggers. 1.99 crab lines and seahouses harbour wall jump. beer drink in crab caravan. country music sing along. bring back the mesh over the hood. winners cap road tour 09. 3am sea swim. catamaran pirate dive. misfits drive home. the s fell off my speedos

jame$Cox/fallingDown

Someones deein alreet for them sells! James Cox is flying business class and filming for the United. Alittle interview right here. Yessss sirrrrrrrrr!

marv_in_NY

“hello marv, hows tricks?
you got any random stories or fliks from your ny trip you’d like to blog on shithawks? i heard you thought white castle was shit. whats up with that. its obviously amazing. you not seen harold and kumaar? “

“Seriously White Castles is fucking gross, they are tiny and the greasiest burger you have ever seen. All the yanks give me shit for thinking it was gross.
Yo i have attached a couple of pictures which i got back from the other day. I cant think of anything too funny about Vinnie so I’ll just tell you these two little ones.
One of the picture was when we went to get a $5 shake in this joint and it was just me and vinnie, but we both wanted to order so we just left our bikes outside. But this group of kids about 15 years old kept walking by looking at our bikes and one time they looked in and vinnie just picked up the napkin dispenser and flinched the kid from the counter where we were. They fucked off after that.

One of the other pictures is of Gallop, vinnie and scerbo chilling on scerbo’s stoop. Just before this some real boozed up girl walked by and stopped cos she heard my accent and started banging on about some shit. I told her i lived in london and she asked “What are you doing in jersey drinking a 40 on a stoop?” I got to reply with “it is what it is yo” Vinnie, scerbo and Gallop fucking loved it. Anyway vinnie and gallop started ripping it out of her and she got pissed of and said she was going to get some guys she knows. So vinnie said “get the fuck outta here and go and get who ever you want i’ll fuck them all up. Dont ever come to Casa D’Scerbo again!” She fucked off and we were all pissing ourselves.

The other picture is of this dude Ian who has a pack of newports tattoo’d on his leg and Wiz eating a slice from Lorenzo’s the best pizza joint in Philly and probably the whole of america depending on who you talk to.
Marv”

i know what you did the summer before last

the summer before last was also alot of fun, we were on some kind of nsf euro trip. A massive crew of dudes travelling in style inside a mini bus with seats and a support transit carrying a cargo of stolen diesel and a load of bikes.

the best roadtrip of my life

It seems like last year i was having so much more fun than ive had this year. The main reason for this was being on the greatest roadtrip of my life thus far. So in the style of Jackie Keroauc Im going to try and write about a year after it happend.